“ Nicki, I love him so much even though he acts paranoid sometimes or become abusive. Most times he apologizes with gifts, so I truly believe that he will change with time for sure."- words of a friend going through a toxic relationship.

What the hell does a toxic relationship mean? I wonder how people go through such relationships? To be honest, a person in the right state of mind wouldn't dare to stick with a toxic partner - Words of people who are naive about this term “toxic relationship".

Firstly, no one has to be judged for being in a toxic relationship. And also no one has to feel guilty, for being a victim of a toxic relationship. Well, If you're in a relationship where you constantly feel unhappy,drained,distraught,insecure or even criticized. Then you're going through a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship could be between friends or partners. And most times we live in the delusion that relationships have ups and downs, and that those downs,could just be one of those bad times. Sadly,I wish that was the case. If you're in a relationship where there is lack of trust and constant judgement, then that's not one of those bad times, it's a problem.


“You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue in their actions. ”


It aches my heart to know, some people are in a relationship where they have to constantly worry about their partner being abusive,aggressive or possessive. Some are even aware, they are in a toxic relationship but they are too scared to come out, because they don't think they can survive without their partners or they probably don't even know how to go about it. Even so, there are some people who do not know that they are in a toxic relationship probably because they are naive. Some have even left such relationships and think their partner deserves a second chance, and they're contemplating on going back. Well I'm just going to say a few things in my own opinion.


“You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. ”


I spoke to a few persons who have one way or the other experienced a toxic relationship. In their narrations, I realized that neither of them got to accept that they were in a toxic relationship, the first time they experienced a sign of it. And also when they realized they had a toxic partner, they were too scared to let go. They didn't think it was the right thing to do, some even believed staying and fighting the problems together was the very best option. But I don't entirely agree. Truthfully, relationships has a lot of hurdles and most times we believe we should stay together to move past each hurdles. But what do we do when our significant other isn't on the same page with us? What are we fighting for, if our partner has no zeal to be a better person? Do we constantly trade our happiness for something that isn't worth the sacrifice? Do we decide to live in pain and agony for someone who is clearly not interested in our feelings?



If you think staying in a toxic relationship is healthy for you because you love him/her, then you must be mistaken . I personally don't think, our toxic partners will change because people don't change! They only get better at hiding who they truly are. You might be saying what if he/she decides to be a better person, what if they are truly good people with anger issues, do I give up? Well, in my opinion someone dealing with toxic behaviors need a lot of time to change, its a step that can't be rushed. Mind you, this isn't a marriage relationship or something, do you have all the time it takes for them to heal? Do you have to wait till you start thinking you don't deserve better? Do you even think a guy that beats you now out of anger or whatsoever will all of a sudden stop beating you for no damn reason? Or do you think a girl that constantly cheats on you will stop doing that so quickly? Or even a girlfriend that contantly humiliates you, will in no time see her wrongs and change in a jiffy? I get the whole fact that you love this person and all, but what about you? You're not happy! This was clearly not the relationship you imagined, and you still want to stick with it regardless? I can't choose for you, no one can. It's up to you alone to stand up for what you believe is right! I'm most times perplexed when I hear “i will stay with him through thick and thin, we will fight this together and all the nonsense that comes with that statement ". Hey sis, are you married? He is your boyfriend not your husband so what thick and thin are you talking about? A man that doesn't respect you, now that you're his girlfriend, can't suddenly start respecting when you become his wife. Or in the other case, as a guy, you think shunning the ugly behaviors of your girlfriend all in the name of peace to reign is the right thing for you to do? Don't you even realize that you're human and you have limits too? What's the plan when she suddenly hits that limit? Is that when you decide to leave? Or you still think you can still move on with the relationship without being honest about your feelings? 



Oh please! Do some thinking. You have lots of values in you. You deserve to be loved and respected. You deserve the world! and if anyone doesn't feel that way, damn them! Constantly, letting people treat you the way they feel like isn't the best thing for your own happiness. To be very honest, it wouldn't be easy but it's worth every bit of it. You have to constantly believe that you deserve the best because you do. You can only do the right thing when you know your worth, you don't deserve all these pains, you're a good person and only good things happen to good people. As amazing has the world is, it's nothing if it lacks you! Be brave🤗.